It's Never Easy

It's been a few days longer than I intended to wait to post, but I guess pretty much everyone that reads my blog has been with me the last few days. At the end of last week I had planned to talk about how my office is finally office feeling and take a picture of my desk all set up-and post pictures of the A&M game/tailgate with all the great food. Before I even had the chance to get back to San Angelo things took a turn for the worse (some could argue better since he's no longer in pain) and the grandpa I've been living with passed away. I'm so thankful I had the past month and a half to spend with him but no matter how someone dies, I don't ever think I'll be "ready". I really suck at handling death, and I don't think I'm very good at mourning either. I believe everyone has their own style and mine is just...a surprise. For example its a little after 6AM right now-very out of character for me. I couldn't sleep anyways so I thought I may as well get up. I have to be at work at 8, which is also earlier than normal, but I committed to coming early today some time last week. I guess the point of all this is-I don't know what I want. Will work distract me, or give me quiet time to over think everything? At times I think I want people to check on me and make sure I'm okay...and then at others I think I want to be left alone. In 21 years I've lost 5 grandparents-and aside from 1, I was old enough to understand what was happening in each case. I'm sure there are others that don't know how best to mourn, but how do you not feel alone when at that moment that's exactly how you feel. Some people want left alone to work through it themselves and others would rather be surrounded at all times. Some people can make the notification calls without crying and others can't. Guess that's what families are for. My Bobby was a lucky guy-I know because we have the same family. They may drive me crazy at times but I don't know what I'd do without them. I love you guys very much-you too Bobby, it's been a pleasure.